Drinking from the Fire Hose

I have often wondered if I should carefully keep this blog about my domestic endeavors, or if it's okay for my personal life to trickle in? Well, I have hit a brick wall in my brain, so here comes the personal stuff.

Jacob and I never do change halfheartedly. 3 years ago, it was "Graduate, start a new job, move, get married, adopt a dog." And while I think that time of life will be hard to top, we are certainly coming close right now.

In the last month Jacob and I have changed churches (which was difficult, complicated, and emotional...) and I started a new job. So by day, I'm absorbing training materials and shadowing sessions until my brain is about to explode... and then at night we're learning -either in a Membership class at church, in our new German class, in our new small group at our new church...

Forget domestic diva - I'm never home to domestic ANYTHING! Right now it's a bit more of drowning diva. And as much as I am loving my new job and my new church, it will truly be a wonder if I survive the next few weeks.

20 Questions for a 2011 New Year’s Reflection

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

Adopting Jasmine and watching her and Tölpel learn to love each other.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

Losing a sense of security that everything would be ok - between the tornado and the pitbulls, I really felt like I lost a childhood innocence of safety that was really hard for me.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

Promotion at work!! :)

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

Some depression unexpectedly made an appearance this year. I'm moving past it, but it was difficult just realizing that something I thought I conquered 4 years ago was coming back.

5. Pick three words to describe 2011.

growth, change, surprise

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2011 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).

growth, mother (of the dogs), peacemaking

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2011 (again, without asking).

graduation, job, change

8. What were the best books you read this year?

A Song of Ice and Fire books 3-5... Or The Wheel of Time books 1-4. I've really enjoyed my fantasy novels this year.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

my sister, my mom, my husband. And several dear friends from church.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

Making the decision to leave the church that I love. While we haven't fully transitioned to our new one yet, letting go of a place we love so much and don't want to leave, and surrendering to where God seems to be leading was really hard for me.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

I'm learning some determination and perseverance.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

I'm learning to pray and trust God. I like control, but I'm slowly learning that it's really better when He is in control.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

Out, around the waist, mostly. :)

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

Several good friends have moved away (or already lived far away) and I feel like I've done a little bit of a better job keeping up with those friends and treasuring them.

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Professionally - when I have a really difficult bug and I finally solve it. There is no greater feeling. At home, cooking a really delicious meal.

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

At work, dealing with frustrations brought on tight deadlines, miscommunications, and never working face to face with people. And home... finding the time and motivation to keep the house running etc.

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

facebook

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

learning to do some creative things in my freetime (gifts, webdesign). I'm very much learning, but enjoying the right brain outlet.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

What other people think is not the most important thing.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2011 for you.

The difficult things are the things that taught me the most, so I shouldn't run from them.

Independent Woman? Ha!

I've been having to be more independent this past week because of Jacob's job. Can I just say, that is really HARD?! I realized how much I count on Jacob. To help with dishes, to help with grilling, to run the deep fryer, to calm me down when I'm upset, to give me motivation...

I will never regret my life, or my decision to marry young, but this past week I had a big revelation of what I traded to have this beautiful thing that I have now.

My sister graduated from undergrad this week, and I thought back to my own graduation. I realized that I was so focused on starting a new job, moving, and most importantly marrying that handsome hunk of a husband, that I think I forgot to slow down and appreciate graduation. It's almost like I skipped it.

I told my mom that, and she said everything in life is a trade off. No matter what you choose you'll give something else up. I started thinking about that....

If we choose to move to somewhere exciting, I'll give up time with people I love here. If I choose to stay here, I might miss some amazing learning and growing times and really fun adventures somewhere else. If we pick Jacob's career, we might have to let mine suffer; and if we focus on my career, we'll take focus from his. If we choose to grow more variety in our garden this year, we give up the abundance of tomatoes. If I spend my devotion time in the old testament, then I'm not reading the new testament right now. And if I chose to get married young, I might have missed some really valuable growing time as an independent gal. But then, I would have given up some of the adventures that Jake and I have had these last 2 years.

I think the point isn't so much that there's a better or worse way to do things, just that I should realize that there's good and bad to everything, and try to appreciate the good in where I am right now.

Even if that's sitting in my kitchen feeling a little sorry for myself cause I miss my husband. :) At least I figured out how to fix our dang sink sprayer! And that's a pretty important lesson to learn.

Saying Goodbye

Britton, the first of 4 cousins, was at my wedding, a little over a year and a half ago. He had informed me that he was going to unbutton his shirt, juuuust a little more, but he was afraid that we'd see his Superman S.

That was Britton. He was always cracking us up. Since he figured out what a joke was, he was telling them. Sometimes his jokes were gross - I mean, he was a 13 year old boy, what did you expect? But he was always laughing. Even when we found out about the cancer, just a few months later.

Cancer was not a new thing to me. One of my very best friends in 6th-12th grade was in remission when I met her. The leukemia came back in 10th grade, and I remember visiting her in the hospital. My mother in law had breast cancer only the year before. I looked up my a summer drama coach and read found an article about him beating lymphoma. A high school teacher's husband had brain cancer and changed his diet and got magic robot surgery.... Cancer - not scary. There's the drugs. There's the steroid "cancer face". There's pain. There's praying. And there's a lot of doctor visits. But eventually, the cancer is gone. And then life goes back to... well, not perfectly normal. But it goes on.

So I was prepared for his hair loss. I was prepared for his physical changes. I was prepared for his tiredness, and the side effects of the drugs. I was less prepared for when his face was paralyzed. But I just knew he was going to pull through, and we just would enjoy this time with him while he went through this crazy experience.

Britton went to Heaven right after Thanksgiving.

Death is just so final. You can't write letters or hear about what they're doing now. But I can imagine. He's cracking up David and Gabriel, for sure.

I'm sorry that my kids will never meet you. I miss you so much. Christmas really sucked this year without you. I can't wait to see you again one day, Britton. Maybe I'll be able to beat you at a video game by then.

Who I am vs. Who I appear to be

Jacob and I have had a couple conversations about how I appear to other people, as opposed to how I actually am.

For instance, many people think I'm extroverted. And in my own comfort zone, I can be very bubbly and friendly - but it totally zaps all of my super powers. Occasionally, if we have a big get-together at our house, I find myself hiding in the bathroom or office, just to catch my breath. While Jacob appears to be a hermit, he's really the extrovert in our home.

And I have been told by many people how "extremely organized" I am. This makes me laugh so hard every time I hear it, and I'm sure my mother is wondering how on earth I have pulled the wool over so many's eyes. I'm not organized at all! In fact, I'm very easily flustered and confused. I just have this coping mechanism that Jacob suggested to me in college - write everything down, and divide it into daily tasks. If it's not written down, I forget it entirely - but a long list makes me have a nervous breakdown because I think all of it must be done today.

Another one - I'm kinda a know-it-all, which makes people assume I'm super smart! I always can answer your question, even if I'm not entirely sure what the question is! And since Jacob kindly never corrects me in public, I just look like a super big genius! Okay, actually, I think this probably just makes me look like a really obnoxious know-it-all, and not, in fact, like I'm super smart.

Okay, so maybe some of the assumptions aren't all wrong. :-p