Programming! That sounds so scary!

So imagine you have a robot. The robot can walk forward and also put his hand out to detect if he's about to run into a wall. You say, "ok robot. Take a step forward. Put your hand out. If you detect a wall, stop. If you don't, take another step. Then put your hand out... and just keep doing that til you detect a wall. Then stop."

You just programmed. Seriously. That's all there is to it. You have to break tasks down into smaller steps and then tell the computer.

Okay, so maybe there's a little more to it than that. For instance you might have to....

• Tell the robot how to take a step. (pick your right foot up. move your right foot forward. Put your right foot down. Pick your left foot up...)
• Tell the electrical parts how to pick the foot up. (Turn this switch on, turn that switch off.)
• Tell the robot to be green and have a pink flower on the top.
• The GUI(Graphical User Interface) designer thinks that the pink flower should really be 13 pixels to the right.

Oh, and then there's debugging. Like...

• The robot isn't picking up it's left foot, just it's right foot, please figure out why and fix it.
• The robot isn't stopping when it runs into the wall, please figure out why and fix it.
• Or - some users insist on using Robot Explorer 6, and so you have to write special code to work for that robot version since it refuses to follow w3 standards.
  

Or, perhaps you'll have to handle exceptions.

• The robot tripped over a toy and fell over. This was unexpected. Make it say "Error. I cannot continue. Help."

And that is my life. Okay, so yeah, there's about 99% of being frustrated because it's not doing what it is supposed to and you're really starting to question your qualifications, your career choice, not to mention your sanity... but then there's that breakthrough. The sheer unadulterated joy that comes after banging your head on the monitor for 10 hours straight - when you test your code and it does exactly. what. it's. supposed.to. You win. You win at coding. In that moment, you win at the world. You are victorious.

Okay, so it might not be your cup of tea. Maybe you don't like puzzles. Maybe you don't like problem solving. And hey, that's cool. I don't like blood or needles or chemistry or languages or a whole host of other really important things necessary for other careers. But when it comes right down to it, I *love* programming. And you don't have to be scared of it anymore.

Another Children-related Faux Pas

I was with my girlfriends the other night - the same girlfriends where I previously compared their children to my dog... and I had another social gaff.

We were talking about preschools and I mentioned that Jake and I had seen this school that spoke only Spanish during the school day and how we have had lots of conversations about which language our kids should learn, but we thought this was really neat.

I think that it came across as "My Hypothetical children are smarter than your actual children." Which is not at all what I intended! I meant to say "My husband and I have all sorts of theoretical hopes for our future children and aren't we so cute and naive."

But these ladies are some of my nearest and dearest friends and if they aren't used to the disaster that is my very big mouth by now... well, they should really stop having me over.

It does bring up an interesting thing about being an adult though. Some of us are in college/grad school. Some are married. Some have fulltime jobs. Some jobs are 9-5. Some aren't. Some have kids. There are all these milestones, and no rules about which ones you have to do, and certainly not which order they go in. Suddenly the people you identify with most are in your "stage of life" instead of your age.

It gets even more complicated when you realize that my husband and I aren't even in the same stage of life! (Both married, no kids, but I have a 9-5, he's a grad student.) And when you finally find another couple that is a religious grad student married to a female money making career woman, and you actually enjoy having dinner with them, they go and do something silly, like have a baby.

Well anyway, for now, instead of playing catchup, I think I'll enjoy where I am, enjoy the crazy stories about potty-training, and try to reduce the trouble my words get me into.

Saying Goodbye

Britton, the first of 4 cousins, was at my wedding, a little over a year and a half ago. He had informed me that he was going to unbutton his shirt, juuuust a little more, but he was afraid that we'd see his Superman S.

That was Britton. He was always cracking us up. Since he figured out what a joke was, he was telling them. Sometimes his jokes were gross - I mean, he was a 13 year old boy, what did you expect? But he was always laughing. Even when we found out about the cancer, just a few months later.

Cancer was not a new thing to me. One of my very best friends in 6th-12th grade was in remission when I met her. The leukemia came back in 10th grade, and I remember visiting her in the hospital. My mother in law had breast cancer only the year before. I looked up my a summer drama coach and read found an article about him beating lymphoma. A high school teacher's husband had brain cancer and changed his diet and got magic robot surgery.... Cancer - not scary. There's the drugs. There's the steroid "cancer face". There's pain. There's praying. And there's a lot of doctor visits. But eventually, the cancer is gone. And then life goes back to... well, not perfectly normal. But it goes on.

So I was prepared for his hair loss. I was prepared for his physical changes. I was prepared for his tiredness, and the side effects of the drugs. I was less prepared for when his face was paralyzed. But I just knew he was going to pull through, and we just would enjoy this time with him while he went through this crazy experience.

Britton went to Heaven right after Thanksgiving.

Death is just so final. You can't write letters or hear about what they're doing now. But I can imagine. He's cracking up David and Gabriel, for sure.

I'm sorry that my kids will never meet you. I miss you so much. Christmas really sucked this year without you. I can't wait to see you again one day, Britton. Maybe I'll be able to beat you at a video game by then.

A fun project

I've been helping out with some website stuff over at http://www.newprotestant.com - a new webmagazine. The website's nothing fancy, but they are starting an exciting project right now. They're collecting a new 95 Theses, similar to my beloved Martin Luther's original. :) (I mean, we did name our dog after his dog - Tölpel. Yeah, we're kinda sad.)

At any rate, it's not about Protestant/Catholic... it's about a new generation of Christians crossing denominations and having open conversation about our problems.

Anyway, I'd love for you to look it over and consider contributing. They're launching the magazine in July so they'll need submissions soon so they can start narrowing down and formatting. They're also looking for Christian art (including photography, poetry, fiction, etc) as well as articles. Submission guidelines coming to the site soon. (submissions@newprotestant.com)

And the website's going to undergo some pretty drastic changes in the next few weeks/months, but all suggestions can be directed to webmaster@newprotestant.com.

Who I am vs. Who I appear to be

Jacob and I have had a couple conversations about how I appear to other people, as opposed to how I actually am.

For instance, many people think I'm extroverted. And in my own comfort zone, I can be very bubbly and friendly - but it totally zaps all of my super powers. Occasionally, if we have a big get-together at our house, I find myself hiding in the bathroom or office, just to catch my breath. While Jacob appears to be a hermit, he's really the extrovert in our home.

And I have been told by many people how "extremely organized" I am. This makes me laugh so hard every time I hear it, and I'm sure my mother is wondering how on earth I have pulled the wool over so many's eyes. I'm not organized at all! In fact, I'm very easily flustered and confused. I just have this coping mechanism that Jacob suggested to me in college - write everything down, and divide it into daily tasks. If it's not written down, I forget it entirely - but a long list makes me have a nervous breakdown because I think all of it must be done today.

Another one - I'm kinda a know-it-all, which makes people assume I'm super smart! I always can answer your question, even if I'm not entirely sure what the question is! And since Jacob kindly never corrects me in public, I just look like a super big genius! Okay, actually, I think this probably just makes me look like a really obnoxious know-it-all, and not, in fact, like I'm super smart.

Okay, so maybe some of the assumptions aren't all wrong. :-p

Thoughts about Parents

I've started reading Gilead by Marilynne Robinson. It is far more captivating and thought provoking than that silly Jane Austen book I was reading yesterday (sorry, Katie! I'll probably pick it back up soon though.)

Gilead is a letter written by a dying minister to his son. I'm only several pages in and I've had so many thoughts. First I thought how neat it would be if, one day, my parents had written me some letter telling me how they really feel about life and the world and all the lessons they learned. How candid and sweet it would be. But then I thought about my relationship with my parents. They are pretty candid now. I decided I would not like to wait to learn all that they had to teach me. I'm very glad that I can call my mom about any problem and she can help me see some reason.

I have a lot of friends who are parents, and while Jacob and I aren't quite ready to start a family yet, I do think about it. I think I want to be the kind of parent who talks openly with my kids. I'm a real, flawed person. I have opinions and desires and experiences. I hope that I'll have the sort of candid and constant relationship with my child that I don't need to write a letter for when I'm gone. I hope my children will cooperate with this plan. :)

Mom and Dad, thanks for putting up with all my whining, disobedience, and bad decisions over the years. Now that I'm turning into a grownup, I'm starting to realize just how amazing you are and have been to me over the years. Love you guys.

Exciting news!

So very exciting news for two very dear friends (and bridesmaids!) got engaged to their respective mans over the holidays!


Megan and I have been friends since we were two years old. Although she moved away in elementary school and our penpal-ship has been... rocky at best over the years (it was totally my fault!), we have stayed very close and since freshman year in college have learned just how similar we still are. She and her honey, Matt, are looking to get married this July (and I get to be the matron of honor!! I'm so excited!)



Grace and I met when we were in middle school, and ended up living together for 3 years in college. She and I have seen each other through all our crazy times learning who we were, how to be grownups, and how to survive this awful thing they call "classes". She and her man, Nathaniel (who I studied with in undergrad) are also looking forward to a summer wedding. I know it will be beautiful!


On a totally different note, I recently asked many friends via facebook for book suggestions and I'm starting to slowly make my way through the list. Which you can look at here

So far I've read:

• The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho,
• 2 short stories by William Faulkner (The Evening Sun Go Down and A Rose For Emily)
• I'm about 6 chapters into Jane Austen's Persuasion.

I am actually really enjoying trying new things. It's not like I have any expectations out of reading these books, or that I am trying to finish them in any sort of reasonable time-frame, but somehow it makes me feel less sad while my husband does super smart academic things like learn his 5th language (English, Greek, Hebrew, Syriac, and now Latin) or do research on topics that I can't even understand! (Fyi - He and his friends blog about these endeavors here).

If you have any other book suggestions for me, feel free to comment. :)